Monmouthshire Nursing Home Shares an Insight on Therapeutic Lying and Altered Reality in Social Care

When supporting people who may be on a cognitive journey, we are often navigating a reality that differs from our own. In these moments, there may be a choice between factual accuracy and someone’s emotional safety. When memory shifts or time becomes blurred, a rigid insistence on the ‘truth’ can cause unnecessary distress, rather than comfort.

This is where therapeutic lying can come in.

A therapeutic lie is a thoughtful, compassionate response used to reduce anxiety and meet someone in their current reality. If a person asks for their mother, father or loved one who has passed away, forgetting that they are no longer with us, correcting them may re-open grief or make the loss feel as though it is happening for the first time. This is why a therapeutic lie may be emotionally kinder in the moment.

Instead, gentle redirection of the conversation, or asking if they would like to go for a walk, can help them focus on something else and reduce anxiety. Alternatively, softly reassuring them that their loved one has popped out to the shops or will visit later can provide comfort and emotional safety.

Rather than prioritising factual accuracy, therapeutic lying prioritises emotional wellbeing. It is rooted in person-centred care – protecting identity, preserving dignity and responding with kindness instead of correction.

An Insight from Gibraltar Nursing Home

Audrey, who prefers her nickname Jingy, has always found comfort and purpose in connection and caregiving.

She married her beloved late husband, Tony, in her mid-twenties and together they raised their two son’s Mark and Adam in a cottage in the countryside. They had lots of animals – cats, dogs, a donkey, rabbits and even a parrot!

This love for animals, particularly dogs, continues to shape Jingy’s world today.

When Jingy moved into Gibraltar Nursing Home, she brought with her a beloved soft toy dog. In her reality, he was not a toy but a real dog she had rescued, loved and healed. She spoke vividly about the difficult experiences she believed he had endured before finding safety with her, describing the care she had given him and how well he was now.

When Jingy shared these stories, the team did not challenge or correct her. Telling her that the dog was ‘just a toy’ would have removed something precious from her emotional world. Instead, the team gently entered Jingy’s reality. They acknowledged the dog as real, spoke about how well behaved he was and commented on how soft and well-groomed he looked. In doing so, they affirmed Jingy’s role as someone who provides love and safety.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The team quickly learned that Jingy became agitated if she could not see her dog, and was only reassured once he was returned to her. Certain situations, such as being hoisted, seated out of bed, or receiving personal care, could cause her anxiety or distress. So the team would talk about the dog to help redirect her anxiety and bring her back to a calmer place.

Here, therapeutic lying was not about avoiding the truth, it was about protecting Jingy’s emotional wellbeing.

Today, Jingy takes care of three toy dogs. She calls them her ‘babies’ or her ‘lovely, adorable dogs.’ There was a time when she would even offer them food from her plate – a spoonful for her, and a spoonful for the dogs. One dog is battery-operated, barking and producing gentle sensory sounds, which helps Jingy to settle at night.

For Jingy, the dogs are constant companions, always by her side, offering reassurance and a sense of responsibility that feels deeply meaningful.

Therapeutic lies, when used thoughtfully and responsibly, are acts of care. They allow people like Jingy to feel safe, valued and emotionally held in a world that no longer behaves as it once did – recognising that, in moments of confusion, Jingy’s version of the truth is the one that matters most.

To read more stories about the people living and working at Gibraltar Nursing Home, please click here.